The facts about being a realist

**I make no apologies for the following rant. If you are reading this, you are bored enough to take it.**

As a realist, you don't always get to do what you dream. You learn how to compromise early on. You realize that there is no ideal, but merely a best option out of many. The worst is when you are both a dreamer and a realist. That's what everyone tells you to be, right? "Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars..." That one makes me ill. Kipling puts it in less juvenile (and less nauseating) terms: "If you can dream---and not make dreams your master." But it all seems to amount to the same thing. Eventually, you will have to give up some dream. (I know that I am starting to sound melodramatic, like a teenage girl on MTV, but hear me out). Rationally, that is what all this about dreams comes down to. (See, now I'm even ending sentences with infinitives.) It's a cop-out really. The people in charge don't want to say directly that there is something that you are not nor will ever be able to do, so instead they say that, "oh, well, you have to keep your feet on the ground!" Like it's a good thing. Or they might not even be saying that. One of the most important things that anyone had ever said to me was by Mr. Roberts in seventh grade. If you know Mr. Roberts, he isn't very serious, but this was the day he had conferences with the students about their grades or something, and he sat in the hall and wore his glasses, and when it was my turn, I sat down and he smiled and said, "Steven, you can do anything you want to do." Coming from someone who almost never said anything personal and serious at the same time, that meant a lot. But even me, who has been validated by none other than Mr. Roberts, middle school grography teacher, has been swayed by circumstance. And I know that some of you have, too. And now I am wondering whether it is best to play the game intelligently, or whether it is better to be intuitive. If you play intelligently, you are sure to come out ahead. But is coming out ahead the most important thing? The thing that brought this all on was Everwoood (I know, I shouldn't let family TV shows that are meant to provide background noise for calculus affect my world view, but they were discussing college applications, which, you all know, were a big part of my life for a time.) And on Everwood, the dad told his son to close his eyes and imagine himself in four years, happy. I followed along, pretending it was last year, and I realized, that this was not where I would have imagined myself (Don't worry, Megan and any of my other friends who are prone to worry on my behalf. This all turns out good in the end.) In fact, none of the places on my list matched (the closest would be Wash. U.). I wanted to be somewhere I would really be challenged, where people went to coffee shops and discussed philosophy, and in a big city, or else in some well-recognised countryside with an antiquated, sleepy, but colorful little town along the border. However, colleges in big, northeastern cities do not give hefty scholarships based on Mr. Robert's reccomandation (or Mrs. Wilson's and Mrs. Hartman's and Mrs. Blackwood's, for that matter). And Vanderbilt, with its drinking games, its bright, but not absurdly so, student body, and its respected, yet unspiring faculty, does. And so I rationalized, as I did when I decided not to waste the time on the Harvards and the Columbias, that since I was going to do graduate work anyway, it would be folly to spend the clams for the Ivy League. I can make do at the "Harvard of the South." And as I write this, I begin to see my point. And I even wonder why I was compelled to write this in the first place. But now that it is written, I suppose I should follow through to a conclusion. This was, indeed, the best choice of all the options given. Even if the dreamer in me continues to think that I have compromised my dream. But, not to fear, there is a brighter way of looking at my situation. What I have believed, and what I continue to believe, is that there is a reason, that I could not afford Harvard. And there is also a reason that Vanderbilt extended this offer to me, drawing me away from a future at OU. I believe that God (or fate, or just blind luck) made this opportunity. I have net people here that I would not have met anywhere else. I will have experience here that could not be duplicated at another school. And I cannot even tell you what those are yet, but I believe that they are here for me. And, as a dreamer, I hope to experience every one, and as a realist, I know that between studying and clubs and sleep and a certain set of beliefs that may be considered by some as prohibitive to this goal, that I will not. But in my heart, I believe that what will happen to me in four years will be exactly what is meant to happen. For better or for worse. And I just have to have faith that what I am doing at every moment, I am doing for a reason, and therefore, I should do it to the best of my ability, just as I always have.

Peace. Love. And good night.

Steven M. E.

A new resolve

Well, it has been quite a while since I said I would be upping my activities quota. Since then I have been aquained with the deadly sin known as Sloth. Beware, it's a tricky one. It starts with one nap, then it's another, then a weekend of laziness, then the apathy creeps into your study time, and the non-required homework gets pushed back another day. Heck, even me writing this is an attempt to procrastinate until tomorrow.

But today. Yes, today, I went without a nap (albeit with the help of a very good cuppa joe). And what's more, most of my wakefulness was actually spent on doing work. This is very very good. I congradulate myself. Here, the challenge, get through the whole week, no naps, and being productive from the time my first class starts until 7pm, with the exception of mealtimes. I calculate this to be an approximate 40 hour work week.

What brings this about, you ask? Well, those of you on-line this weekend know that in lieu of my usual heavy party rounds, I stayed in, facinated by my computer screen. And I slept. How did I sleep! I took a 6 hour nap on Friday, a 4 hour nap Saturday, and two 3 hour naps Sunday. I feel a mix of pride and disgust. But now it is a new Steven. I am going to be the model of efficiency and alertness. I will ace my two tests tomorrow, find a subjects for my Engineering projects (yes, two) and generally kick hiney in a ramp-up to Halloween and my B-day.

This post was more for my own good. I have heard that goals like this usually work best if you tell someone.

Well, anyway, wish me luck, and I care for all of you (unless I don't like you, and in that case you shouldn't be reading this (you know who you are!)).

With best wishes and great love,

Steven M. E.

Ugh. A honey roasted peanut in a bowl of cashews.

Okay. I have an issue.

Everybody on the entire face of the planet apparently thinks that college is an astounding transition to which innocent, naive high school students must adjust to with the nurturing guidance of college officials, parents, and friends.

What the hell is what I say.
Really, is college that different?

Article I: Independence.
Now, I must say that this being far far away thing is absolutely beautiful. But an adjustment? No. I have been brushing my own teeth and putting on my own clothes since grade school. Bedtime limitations have been removed since sixth grade, and I have been budgeting my own time and doing my own homework since middle school. I have woken myself up, made my own breakfast, and been able to wash my own clothes for many, many years.
What in heaven or on Earth must I adjust to? The freedom from the strict scrutiny of my parents? In my opinion, if our parents were the alpha and omega of your every decision in high school, they will be in College, and if they trsted you to be responsible and make your own decisionsin high school, they will in college. Mine were in the latter category.
Oh, but woe is me. I have forgotten a very important talking point. The car. MY car. The friggin symbol of teenage independece. How I miss thee and how you stalled with a quarter tank of gas and how your seatbelts always got tangled and how you made indescribable sounds during the winter. The loss of my car was BIG. I would say the driver's licence is a bigger adjustment than college any day. With a liscence, so many things become possible, from friday dnners out to road trips to the simple pleasure of getting away for an hour. This is one adjustment I am still not quite over. But interestingly enough, this is an adjustment to the LOSS of independence. Peculiar, eh?

Article 2: The Seperation
So what. I spent most of my time at home doing homework and waching TV anyway. I miss dinner out, but I am glad to be free of family meals (especially the clean-up). I talk to my parents through e-mail or on the phone to check in or when something important happens. I miss my dogs. That's one I didn't think about. They can't use the phone, so it's hard to interact with them. But everone else, well, not so much. I love them, but I don't miss them. The same goes for my friends, a good many of which, I have kept contact with online. Again, I miss dinner out. Meal plans box me into the walls of the campus come lunch or dinner. And this is living 10 hours away. I really don't understand homesickness from 45 minutes away (not that I am criticizing, I just can't comprehend it).

Article 3: The Dorm
I dont get what the big deal is. The community bathroom is comfortable. There has never been a big problem with space or with my hallmates. The dorm doesn't affect my life more than giving me friends to eat lunch and go to class with. Maybe go out Friday and Saturday night. Since I am not accustmed to walking around naked, none of my habits have changed. Now, of course, I am privilaged to live in a single, and perhaps this is the BIG adjustment that I have not had to make that serves as the divider between me and every one of my friends when it comes to the adjustment issue.

Article 4: The Classes
First off, this is Vanderblt. Ii really expected more, to tell you the truth. I would love to say that I am being challenged and pushed tomy limit and I am learning more than I ever did in high school. But either my high school courses prepared me so well for college that I don't notice a difference (which is ENTIRELY pssible), or the fact is, college courses really aren't as difficult as they're cracked up to be. I tend to side with the former explanation, since my high school experience was awesome, and I suppose if you went through "regular" courses, your perception of college would be different (however, as far as I know, my friends all had challenging high school careers). Not that I haven't had ome tough times. Engineering is especially taxing due to the fact that the material is all completely new, but really, the amount of brainpower is comparable. But, lest we forget, the college system is completely different. No more going to 6 classes a day. This simply means you A) Are actually using class time to learn at a faster rate or b) Are learning at the same rate, but covering less material. Either way, I get 3 credit hours, though I prefer the former, since it means that my time is not wasted, as was the case in some high school classes. So yes. The 2 class a day setup is a difference, but in my assesment, it is quite stisfactory, and the adjustment took a total of one week as I found my new classes.

Article 5: The People.
I don't make frineds in a few weeks. I moved in fourth grade and had a different set of friends every year of middle school. Freshman year, it took until November before I truly became friends with anyone at Santa Fe. Then, I kept those friends plus a few more for the next four years. Everyone at my 14th birthday party was invited to my 18th. Weird, huh? A three year old could count the number of people I considered true friends during high school. This, some may say, is an adjustment. But this is not particular to college. This is something that is true for everyone, everywhere. Making friends and becoming comfortable is an adjustment that I have had to make many times before, so perhaps I understand the situation a little more than someone who stayed in the same place for the past 12 years, but nevertheless, I suppose that this needs factor into the adjustment equation. But I think this adjustment is ongoing. No matter if you are a social diva or the dirty harmonica player on the street corner. As I put it today in a conversation with Rod, whether your mission is to climb to the top of the social ladder or if ou are content standing on the ground, far away from even a kitchen stool.
A subcategory of people, I guess, is the clubs. The last blog was on being a joiner, so you know my opinion on these. But what I have realizedsince then, is that college clubs have free reign. They can have a meeting at 3 in the afternoon thursday or 10 at night Sunday. No time is sacred, and it is not a ghastly intrusion on your time if there is an activity Saturday morning. No time is sacred. The only club in high school that I would grant weekend time to was NHS. I had to adjust to the fact that the writing society meets at dinner time and AiChE meets Sunday afternoon.

So there you have it. College is just as everone described it. But I am still in search of the big adjustment. If you would, could ou point me in the general direction. Otherwise, I will be keeping an eye out, and I will tell you if I find it.

Sincerely,

Steven M. E.

Yay for being a joiner

Okay. Despite the fact that in high school I was in more clubs than a two year old can count, I have never considered myself a joiner. But it has been almost nine weeks (nine weeks! Wow!) And I have realized that the time has come to make some changes.

The first part of the year, I was solely involved with Versus magazine. Then, I picked up ceramics, The Review, and the writing society. Now, I have joined a swing club, V-SLAM (anime), and hopefully a couple of volunteer organizations. I am also trying to be culturally aware. I spent el dia de la rasa salsa dancing, and this evening, I went to a Greek tragedy translated by an Iris woman. Can you say multicultural? Can you say overextended? A two year old couldn't. However, I have serious doubts about the ultimate joiner activity. I have serious reservations about joining a frat. But I have another 4 weeks yet before that decision becomes imminent.

But I have found that I need to be at least somewhat extended. I am of the constitution that if there is not something to do, then I will do nothing. It sounds logical, but trust me, it merely results in many hours wasted in bed or in front of the computer.

On a tangent, Ihave rediscovered coffee. It is what helped me through last Thursday. The first Thursday I have had at Vanderbilt on which i did not take a nap. That was the impetus for my new philosophy and outlook. The fact that I could manage without my three hour siesta. I am continually amazed at this wonderful black substance. I adore you, coffee.

Sincerely,

Steven M. E.

I am obviously too busy for my friends.

I don't know if anyone actually reads this, but I feel bad that I haven't posted recently, anyhow. So. Since the picture tour, a lot has happened (but only one of my friends likes me enough to take five minutes to join the facebook.)

I am so happy here. There are so many parties (not that I have time to go to all of them with all of the work I have.) It has been nine weeks, and I am getting very comfortable. My engineering class shifts to its second module (It is a class in three parts, or modules) next monday, so it is like I have completed my first college class. I filled out the instructor evaluation and everything! And I made an A (which is a 93 and up here ugh!)

I am home (my former home, at least)! I am stoked. I really want to see all of you and find out about everything that has been going on and so forth.

There is so much to say. I have a lot of journal writing to do this weekend.

But now I have a concert.

Ciao!

Steven M. E.